


King of My Heart

by SathTrash



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: (They get resolved pretty quickly though), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bisexual Gavin, Bottom Gavin, Car Chase, Crew Tattoos, Crew as Family, Fake AH Crew, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Getting to Know Each Other, Golden Boy Gavin, Happy Ending, Heist, In fact it's mostly plot and only some porn, Jeremy's the new kid, Love Bites, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Porn With Plot, Post-Ray, Promises, Queer Jeremy, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Sweet First Time, They're both Big Idiots, Top Jeremy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 10:41:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13456539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SathTrash/pseuds/SathTrash
Summary: Slowly, over time, Jeremy realizes he's absolutely mad for Gavin, and has absolutely no idea what to do about it. He's new, he's nervous, and Gavin is everything he never knew he wanted, never knew he needed, and with no real experience with someone like him, and no way of knowing how to bridge the gap between friends to lovers, Jeremy struggles with how crazy Gavin makes him, because the truth is, he's scared of falling in love.





	King of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I started this way the fuck back at Extra Life time because of a sentence starter meme that I saw with some of the fun quotables from the stream, from which I saw "Your girlfriend is a lucky woman" and went from there (you'll get it when you see it), this work is also inspired by the lyrics from Taylor Swift's song King of My Heart off her newest album reputation, so if you don't like Taylor Swift so much that that knowledge is gonna ruin this for you we may need to fight about it (I'm kidding, I'm kidding, just don't read it if that knowledge turns you off), if you know the song then you'll know the bits I've referenced, and if not, and you like her, I'd 100% suggest listening to it, because it's one of my favourite songs on that album.  
> As always you can follow me over on my tumblr at sathtrash for more intermittent yelling about the fahc and all kinds of other ridiculous things, but mostly the fahc (and other RT/AH content)  
> I hope you guys like it, cause I'm really proud of this.

Jeremy was still pretty new when he went on his first fancy casing job. Geoff paired him up with Gavin, who was a veteran in the art of schmooze, especially when it came to checking out a target at a fancy party. It was an easy pairing in Geoff’s mind. Jeremy couldn’t do it on his own, it wasn’t that he couldn’t be trusted, it just wasn’t his forte, he’d only ever been an enforcer before he joined the Fakes, but Geoff and Jack wanted their boys to be able to do any and all jobs that needed to be done. Jeremy was an excellent enforcer, he was getting better at general negotiating tactics, but he was utterly hopeless at the kind of schmoozing it took to be good at casings like that.

It came easily to Gavin. He was quick-witted and golden tongued, and he had the intelligence to back his bullshit up when he needed to. It was an easy choice to pair them up, but it made Jeremy nervous. Not because he didn’t like Gavin, quite the contrary, he thought the fucking world of Gavin, that was the problem. Gavin was intimidating, he was all charisma and easy smiles, and sly wit, and he was quick to befriend a person whenever he could. It had been Gavin who had drawn Jeremy out of his self imposed isolation after he’d first come into the crew, he’d knocked lightly on the door and asked Jeremy if he wanted to play Mario Party because he and Michael were going to play with Ryan and they needed a fourth to keep things from going nuclear if someone felt cheated out of a minigame. Gavin had put it in such a way that it sounded so life or death that Jeremy had obliged. He hadn’t realized at the time it was a ruse just to draw him out.

Jeremy had been with the crew for two weeks when that had happened, he was recovering from malnutrition of years, a broken rib, and a few small sprains in his wrist and knee from leaving his old crew behind. He’d been so scared to get close to anyone in this new crew other than Jack that he’d avoided them at all costs, even going so far as to avoid meals even when he knew he needed to be eating.

It was trauma, pure and simple, and he knew that now, but at the time he didn’t know what to do, and hiding was easier. The problem was Gavin was charming as all get out and he knew it, and Jeremy knew it, and when Gavin tried so, so hard to get Jeremy to join them he wasn’t able to resist it.

He’d tried to avoid Gavin as much as possible since that first transgression.

Jeremy had learned over the course of his life that getting attached was not something to put as a priority. Getting attached only got you hurt. All it had ever given him were problems, he’d gotten attached to someone in Boston and they’d dragged him headfirst into a mob family, and got him stuck there as an enforcer. When that person had tried to leave they’d gotten killed. It was only by the grace of God that Jeremy got out alive, and he’d headed straight for Los Santos.

Before that person had been friends who’d gotten him into fights, and before that even it’d been his father, who had treated him more like a bad dog than a person.

And really, it was that fear of attachment that made him so nervous to partner off with Gavin. Michael he could’ve handled, or even Ryan, he’d admit to being fond of both, but it was nothing like he felt about Gavin.

Gavin made Jeremy’s stomach flutter like it did when he used to do gymnastics, like when you throw yourself from one set of the bars to the other and it feels like your stomach’s dropped out from the bottom, like anything that could go wrong could but you wouldn’t care because the adrenaline was too good. And that was a fucking problem.

But he couldn’t just say no to Geoff when he’d told him he and Gavin would be going to a fancy-ass art show to case some targets. Geoff was in charge, at least when it came to their criminal activities, and Jeremy was so new he was afraid to get kicked out for refusing, even though he knew Jack would never allow it. So he’d agreed.  
And that was how he’d found himself driving Geoff’s nicest car uptown to one of the fancy art galleries with Gavin, looking obnoxiously beautiful in a well cut navy suit and lacking almost all of his usual jewelry, in the passenger seat. Usually Gavin was decked from fingers to head in gold and jewels, but tonight it was simple, he’d taken out his piercings, likely to look less like a rowdy young man, and only wore one ring, and, from what Jeremy could see, a thin gold chain that could be seen just below his collar where it was unbuttoned at the throat.

“Where are all your usual bits and pieces?” Jeremy asked, trying to keep his demeanor casual, even though he felt like he was on fire with how nervous he was “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you leave the house without at least four rings”

“Oh, it’s a little more pressing to be demure I guess” Gavin shrugged, looking down at his bare fingers “I don’t usually wear most of my jewelry out on jobs, don’t wanna lose any of it” he looked up at Jeremy and smiled “Besides, for once I’m not going to be the most obnoxiously bedecked in a room full of people, I guess I wanted to savour it” Jeremy nodded slightly at Gavin’s response, but when he glanced over at him at a stop light he saw Gavin worrying at his ring, fiddling the stone between fore- and middle fingers. That was unusual for Gavin, he was always so cool and confidant that seeing the one nervous tic Jeremy had ever seen of his made him nervous too. He gripped the wheel a little tighter, and tried to act as natural as possible, feeling reassured that he’d remembered to shove his pistol in the back of his pants before they’d left the penthouse. You know, just in case.

-

The party was unlike anything Jeremy had ever seen before. It was the opening of a new show the gallery was hosting, Jeremy hadn’t cared enough to learn what was being hosted, he was too focused on making sure things went well.

Most of all he was busy making sure nothing happened to Gavin.

Gavin moved through the crowd with a mercurial ease, he was changeable and charismatic, switching tones and stories with each person he spoke to, spinning stories like a spider spins a web, creating a different existence for himself and Jeremy as they moved from group to group. First they were business associates, looking to purchase some of the art for a client of theirs, then they were friends of the gallery owners wife, and had been invited by her to the event. After a few changes of groups Jeremy lost track of who he was supposed to be to Gavin at each turn.

And then they came upon a group of uppity older men and women, and Gavin casually introduced Jeremy as his boyfriend. Jeremy didn’t flinch outwardly, but his brain stopped for a moment, trying to process Gavin’s words.

He hadn’t used their real names, that was too risky, but he’d said it.

“I’m Stefan, and this is my _boyfriend_ , Kieran.” It’d been such a simple statement, and even without the use of his own name it had struck Jeremy somewhere deep in his gut in a way he wasn’t sure he liked. It made him feel almost sick, his stomach fluttered, and he felt incredibly odd at hearing Gavin call him his boyfriend.

And while it felt to him like he’d taken several long minutes to process the words, it was only seconds before he had extended a hand, smiled, and shook the hand of one of the guys they’d been told to keep an eye on, and offered a greeting of his own.

“It’s really good to meet you” he heard himself saying cheerfully, the guy was an architect, and a famously successful one at that, an older fellow by the name of Peterson, Geoff had had eyes on him for a long time, considering partaking in Peterson’s wealth himself. “I really love your work, Stefan and I are just fascinated by the way you try to recreate Art Nouveau in your contemporary work” he said, he was just spewing everything he remembered Jack briefing them on that morning, trying to come off sounding as intelligent and charming as Gavin was able to in every situation.

Peterson looked surprised by Jeremy’s knowledge of his work, and gave him a slight smile.

“You know, it’s so nice to hear that young people are still interested in architecture” he said, giving Jeremy’s hand a warm squeeze as they shook. Out of the corner of his eye Jeremy could see Gavin smiling approvingly at him.

The conversation with Peterson was a relatively easy one, he was a genuinely pleasant man, who, over the course of the conversation, he and Gavin learned was incredibly charitable with his money, and was paying for several kids throughout the city to go to university.

As the conversation moved forward Gavin and Jeremy came to a silent agreement that Peterson would be removed from their job list, the man was just too damned nice, and the kids he was working with deserved the money far more than they did.

Jeremy noticed throughout their time talking to Peterson, Gavin kept giving him short, meaningful looks, and touching him gently, trying to draw him into small displays of affection to keep the charade up for Peterson that they were in a relationship. It took Jeremy a few minutes to catch on, but after he realized what Gavin was doing, he settled his hand gently on the small of Gavin’s back, almost possessively, and left it there for the rest of their interaction with Peterson.

Peterson had been the last on their list for the evening, so when he excused himself and his wife to go speak with the gallery’s owner, Gavin and Jeremy also decided to make their exits, said pleasant goodbyes to the group they’d been speaking with, and took their leave.

Back out at the car, they were quiet, Jeremy politely opened Gavin’s door for him, and closed it once he’d sat down, and then got in on the driver’s side himself. The drive home was mostly silent, Jeremy turned the radio on quietly because he couldn’t stand the silence of the car, and tried to remain as natural as he possibly could.

“You did really well in there Jeremy” Gavin said after they had been driving for nearly ten minutes.

“You think so?” he asked, glancing over at Gavin, finding him looking straight at him.

“Yeah, for your first time in that setting you did really well, especially with Peterson, honestly I’d completely forgotten what Jack had told us about him this morning, not her fault of course, there was just so much information to try and hold on to”

“I Googled him after Jack told us about him, cause I thought I recognized the name, I used to be kinda into design and architecture once upon a time, and I remembered hearing about him somewhere or another at one point”

“You were into architecture?” Gavin asked, sounding curious.

“Yeah, when I was a kid, Boston’s got a lot of cool older buildings in some areas, you know? I mean they’re nowhere near as cool or old as the stuff you grew up around in England, but I thought it was the fuckin coolest thing as a kid, and I was fascinated by it” he said, shrugging slightly “When I caught wind of some of the old shit in Europe, I was practically dead with how floored I was over the look of the buildings”

“I never would’ve pegged you for a design guy Jeremy” Gavin sounded a little bewildered when he said that.

“Yeah, I know, I seem like too much of a meathead to be interested in the finer parts of culture, huh?”

“No, that’s not what I meant at all” Gavin said quickly “You just never really talk about yourself, that’s all, we barely know anything about you and you’ve been with us for months”

Jeremy shrugged slightly, glancing over at Gavin.

“Guess I wasn’t expecting to be around for so long” he said after a long silence. Gavin stayed quiet for a few more minutes after Jeremy spoke, and he thought it was the end of the conversation. But as they pulled into the apartment building’s parking lot, and Jeremy was parking the car, Gavin looked at him intently before speaking.

“Well, feel free to share more” he said, reaching over to squeeze Jeremy’s bicep “Because I don’t reckon anyone’s planning on letting you run off without us.” And with that, Jeremy had parked, and Gavin moved to get out of the car, he gave Jeremy a wide grin, and gave his bicep another squeeze, before he slid out of the car, leaving Jeremy sitting in the car in utter confusion.

-

Jeremy had a hard time speaking to Gavin for the next few days after their casing. He just didn’t know what to think or even what to say to him. He had never imagined that they really did want him to stick around for good. Jack maybe, because she was just a sweet woman who wanted nothing more than to keep some dumb kids safe.

Over the course of Jeremy’s three months leading up to that casing with Gavin no one other than Jack had ever expressed anything to him about wanting him to stick around, until Gavin had told him to share more. He seemed to be becoming more and more part of the Lads, but neither Gavin or Michael had ever broached the subject of him being officially initiated. It stung in a way that seemed absurd, with how much time he had begun to spend with the two after that first game night with Ryan that neither had said anything to him about tattoos.

Gavin and Michael had LADS tattooed across the knuckles on their right hands, and he’d heard around that an old member, a guy named Ray who’d left nearly a year before Jeremy joined the crew, had also had the tattoo.

The only reason he had even known about the importance of those tattoos was because he had gone with Jack as an enforcer during a negotiation. When they were leaving he overheard the people they were meeting with talking about his lack of a knuckle tattoo, they apparently found it odd, and even laughable, that Jeremy had bare hands in a crew that branded its own with either LADS or GENT across the knuckles, the Lads on their right and the Gents on their left. Jeremy hadn’t said anything, especially after he’d heard that the guys they were meeting seemed to think that since they hadn’t tattooed him yet they mustn’t be planning on keeping him around after the ‘last one’ left.

That had stung. And when no one had broached the subject of tattooing after over two months of Jeremy’s joining, he assumed they really weren’t planning on keeping him around.

And then Gavin had told him to share more, and told him they weren’t planning on letting him go, and now he didn’t know what to think. He was still bare knuckled, and he knew it wasn’t because the other two thought he’d be afraid of getting one, on the contrary, he had a few, more than Gavin did by far, and still it wasn’t mentioned. Jeremy wondered if it had to do with the fact that they didn’t see him as a member of either group, he was younger than Gavin and Michael by three years or so, and mostly hung around with them when he had finally warmed up to the crew, but he supposed he did float between the two groups more than it seemed anyone did, save Jack of course. Ryan would occasionally play Mario Party or other games with the two Lads and Jeremy, Geoff would reprimand them playfully, and both Michael and Gavin would help Jack out with this errand or that chore. But Jeremy floated between. He spent hours holed up with Ryan in the penthouse’s little library set up, he was a favourite in helping Geoff plan for escape routes and contingencies in areas the rest of the crew were unfamiliar with, because Jeremy had been on the streets of LS in bad areas far more than any of the others, and of course he loved spending time with Jack, everyone did, but Jeremy was always happy to spend time helping her with dinner in the evenings, or breakfast on Saturdays. This realization led him to believe that perhaps he just didn’t fit with either group well enough to get their team brands. He was too young to be a Gent, Ryan was the youngest, and even then he was still almost thirty, while Jack and Geoff were both a little over that hill, and maybe he was just too Gent in behaviour sometimes to really be a Lad, he was the most reserved of the boys in the house, although not by very much, he could be goaded into any and everything if the two Lads gave it a bit of an effort, Jeremy was fearless in almost every aspect of life, he could have a hold onto the window ledge of the highest building in Los Santos with only one hand, and still be unafraid, even if he was a bit scared of heights, but it was feelings that truly scared him. He had believed he was fine on his own, and he hadn’t been, but he had never been willing to admit that to himself, until the Fakes took him in, and then he was more terrified than anything of losing the little family he’d gained in this hell hole of a life he’d led.

But he supposed, if it weren’t meant to be, if he truly didn’t fit anywhere quite the way he should in this house, it would be better to cut and run as quickly as possible, something he knew so deeply in his gut that he kept a spare pair of clothes, a pistol and ammo, a knife, and some canned goods in a backpack at the bottom of his closet, just in case he ever needed to make a break for it.

It was the accidental discovery of this backpack that finally tipped things over for Jeremy’s life in the crew.

Gavin had been helping him pick out some clothes for a negotiation. Jeremy was focused on his position as enforcer, but going out with Gavin you needed to look chic, unless you were Jack, who Gavin had never been able to coax out of her Hawaiian shirts if it weren’t absolutely necessary.

When Gavin had found himself exhausted of good options in Jeremy’s dresser, aside from a solid pair of somewhat new black jeans, he had turned to the closet, and Jeremy hadn’t even thought about what that could mean when he’d given Gavin the go ahead to rummage through his, admittedly sparse, closet.

Jeremy was sitting in a chair he’d hauled into his room and put by his window, fucking around on his phone, when he heard Gavin make an odd noise from inside his closet.

Jeremy’s head popped up immediately, the tone of Gavin’s voice had both startled and worried him.

“You okay Gav?” he asked tentatively, watching Gavin’s back where he was crouched. And then he realized what Gavin had seen.

His go-bag.

“Are you planning on leaving Jeremy?” Gavin asked quietly, not looking at him, but the tone of his voice was upset, hurt almost.

“Not… not really” Jeremy said, picking at his jeans.

“Not really?” Gavin finally turned to look at him, brows drawn together and eyes sad “That’s not a very solid answer Jeremy” he said, and Jeremy noticed that he held his backpack tightly between both hands.

“It’s contingency” Jeremy mumbled after a long silence.

“Contingency?” Gavin looked confused now, studying Jeremy with those soft green eyes in a way that made him want to look at the floor, or really, anywhere that wasn’t at Gavin.

“Yeah…” he said, clearing his throat slightly “Just in case I needed to leave” he rubbed at the back of his neck, still avoiding Gavin’s gaze.

“Why on earth would you need to leave Jeremy?” Gavin asked quietly, and finally Jeremy chanced a glance up at him before looking away again, staring hard down at the bare knuckles of his right hand where they lay clenched in his lap.

“It’s routine” he said softly, slowly, refusing to meet Gavin’s eyes and just staring with concentration down at his hands “I’ve never been able to stay anywhere long, longest I was ever anywhere was back in Boston, and that’s just cause I was a kid and couldn’t do fuck all about it” Jeremy saw the involuntary clench of his own fists in his lap as a defensive feeling settled into his gut “I’ve always been ready to go if I need to”

“Well” Gavin said slowly, and the tone of his voice made Jeremy look up “I suppose we’ll have to change that” he said firmly. He set Jeremy’s bag down on the top of his dresser and started to unpack it carefully, gently placing his shirt and pants into their respective drawers in his dresser, and going to hang up the sweatshirt that was also inside in the closet. When he walked back to the bag, Gavin stared down at it in contemplation, his hands placed on the edge of Jeremy’s dresser, and then he reached inside and pulled out the pistol and the knife that had been inside, and moved towards Jeremy’s bed. Jeremy watched the hesitation that passed across Gavin’s face before he opened the drawer to Jeremy’s bedside table, and gently set both weapons inside, after checking that the safety was on on the pistol, and sliding the drawer shut again. And finally he looked back at Jeremy, who had been watching all of this with baited breath.

“You’re not going anywhere Little J” he said, sitting down on the edge of Jeremy’s bed and facing him “It’s not easy to leave this crew without a goodbye, we’re a family here, and if you want to leave you can say something, but don’t ever just run out in the middle of the night” he said, and Jeremy watched him rub his thumb absently over his Lads tattoo on his knuckles “We’ve all had quite enough of that” he said finally. Jeremy let out a short sigh, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I’ve heard about it” he said, even able to hear the bitterness in his voice himself “Not a whole lot, but things here and there, not from the crew, no, but from others, Burnie’s almost called me Ray more than once when he has a few drinks too many” Jeremy shook his head “The thing is Gavin, I don’t want to be his replacement. I don’t want to be someone who can fill the void the last guy left, cause I’m not him, from what I’ve heard we’re nothing alike, but every time I go to a negotiation, every time I go somewhere important with you guys, all I can hear is the other side’s backup commenting on me, on how I’m so young for you guys, how I’m more threatening physically but probably more stupid than Ray, how it’s been _months_ and I’m still left out of things, very obviously important things!” Jeremy couldn’t have held it in if he’d tried, the way Gavin had so definitively told him he was staying had broken the dam that Jeremy had managed to construct so carefully since the first time someone had mentioned his bare knuckles within ear shot. “I’m supposedly part of a crew that brands its own with ink and blood, and sure I’ve seen plenty of blood on your behalves, but that’s been about it” he stared down at his hands, not sure if he wanted to cry or scream for letting his walls crumble so easily in front of Gavin.

This hadn’t been the plan.

And then, suddenly, but also slowly and deliberately, a hand crept into Jeremy’s line of sight in his lap, and Gavin was squeezing his hand tightly, and Jeremy watched the tattoos on his knuckles stretch as he got a tighter grip on his hand.

“No one wants you to replace him” he said gently “That’s never what you were Jeremy” there was a short pause, but Jeremy still refused to look up “Jack takes us in, takes us all in, and usually we decide to stick around. Ray did for awhile, and then, I dunno, he decided he didn’t like the gang life anymore maybe, or maybe he just got sick of all of us, but either way, one day he was here with me and Michael, and the next, poof, up in smoke, completely gone and not a trace of him left except a little potted rose on his desk he’d gotten for Christmas, and a note apologizing for leaving so suddenly, but he just had to go” Gavin’s voice wasn’t necessarily sad, but it was full of emotion, and when Jeremy finally looked up the look in Gavin’s eyes were unreadable but raw with emotion. “We like you Jeremy, and we’re all a little bruised from Ray still I suppose, but it wasn’t right of us to let you feel unwelcome because of that”

“It wasn’t you guys that made me feel like that” he said slowly “It’s everyone else, everyone we work with, every cop, every enforcer on the other side of a negotiation, every goddamn employee at the fucking Amunation! No one else can see me as anything but a replacement, and I dunno if it’s because people think Ray was better than me, or if I’m really just not that great at my job, or if it’s the fact that to the outside I’m being left outta stuff they think I should be involved in to be a real part of this crew” Jeremy had held Gavin’s gaze this time as he’d spoken, not able to stop or look away if he’d wanted to “It was never you guys that made me feel like I’d need to leave, it was everyone else. If I look replaceable to outsiders than I must be” he shrugged slightly, shaking his head, he blinked hard, not sure what else to say. And then there was that pressure again, that gentle reassuring squeeze of his hand, and he opened his eyes to look at Gavin who looked deeply upset.

“You’re not replaceable Jeremy” he said gently.

“Everyone else my whole life has seemed to think I am” he said bitterly.

“Well not to us” Gavin replied fiercely “Do you know how much of an effect you’ve had on all of us? Ryan actually wants to play Mario Party for one, he’d always gripe before when he got dragged into a game, and Michael loves having someone to spar with he feels like he’s actually on the same level with, because Ryan’s a cheater and I won’t fight him, and Jack and Geoff love having you around! Out of everyone except Ryan, Jack’s told me you make her feel the safest when you’re backup because you know what you’re doing as an enforcer, and how to assess whether or not it’s worth it to get involved when the other side wants to start with, and Geoff says you’re great with heist planning cause you notice all the little details, and you make up funny codenames for heists” Gavin paused for a moment after gushing all of that out, and bit his lip, seemingly thinking about what he wanted to say next “And I’ve had the most fun ever doing jobs with you” he said “You always take up the thread of where I’m going, and you actually work with whatever story I’m giving, and you always make those little comments about people that no one else would ever notice, and use it to make the best jokes about the uppity people at events like that” Gavin gave his hand another squeeze and smiled at him “You are nowhere near replaceable, but if a tattoo would make you feel better Michael and I can check in with his guy and see if he’s got time to fit you in” Jeremy started to reply, but Gavin just smiled and shushed him “I know it’s one of the things that was bothering you, cause you mentioned the branding thing, and being left out of something important… And it wasn’t that me and Michael didn’t want you to have a Lads tattoo, we just didn’t know how to bring it up, cause when we got them in the first place we all went together, and we didn’t want you to feel alienated because you didn’t get that experience of all of us going, but I suppose that was a little thick headed of us wasn’t it?” Gavin smiled at him, gave his hand one final squeeze, and stood up from where he’d been sitting on Jeremy’s bed. “Alright, now that that’s out of the way, let’s finish up your wardrobe for tonight, and I’ll get Michael to call his artist before we leave” he said, and swiftly went back to Jeremy’s closet.

Leaving Jeremy sitting by his window looking stunned and lovestruck.

-

It was only after that exchange that Jeremy finally let himself properly start letting loose with the crew, and opening up about himself where he felt comfortable. But there were still things that he kept close to his own chest both out of habit and not knowing how to ever bring up the subject.

It was no secret in the crew that members deviated from what society thought was best. Gavin was openly feminine and enjoyed expressing that side of himself, it was also no secret that Gavin was bisexual, something he used to his advantage in many situations, as he was comfortable exploiting his charisma when it came to anyone he may need to put the moves on for more information. And of course it was common knowledge that Michael was trans because he spoke about it freely, and Jeremy had seen his top surgery scars more than once during their many sparring sessions.

And, obviously, they were all career criminals.

But Jeremy had grown up in a very religious family, and his father had already been a bit of a crazy person in the first place, so broaching the subject of Jeremy’s sexuality had never been something he was comfortable talking about. But Gavin was making him begin to reconsider that.

He had been spending an increasing amount of time with the other two Lads, especially after Michael (and Geoff’s) artist had managed to squeeze him in to get his knuckles tattooed. And he had been spending even more time with Gavin specifically, and he finally felt truly, genuinely relaxed around the others. So relaxed that he was genuinely considering broaching the subject with Gavin of, maybe, going on a date, because, and maybe he was overthinking things, he thought he was getting certain signals from Gavin that made him feel hopeful.

And then Meg started hanging around the penthouse more.

Jeremy liked Meg, she was nice, and just as fun and charismatic as Gavin was. He heard that she had been friends with Ryan in his mercenary days, and with Michael back in Jersey, and when Ryan had joined the crew and reconnected with her she had become an associate to the Fakes, and often helped them with costuming and stuff like that for heists.

But she and Gavin were close, and not in a way that Gavin was close with Michael, it was flirtier, more like they were seeing each other than just close friends.

And Jeremy hated that it bothered him.

Gavin wasn’t his property, they were friends, and Jeremy had feelings for Gavin that he had a hard time sorting out besides the fact that he felt what he thought was a special connection, one that made butterflies roll in his stomach and his knees go weak when Gavin smiled at him when they were out together. He had no idea if Gavin felt even a little bit similarly, and Jeremy really had no right to feel jealous or upset about his relationship with Meg. It really wasn’t his business.

And at the same time part of him felt like it was his business. And it bothered him that he felt that way. The crew had been friends with Meg long before Jeremy had shown up, so of course Gavin would be friends with her, it made sense that he would be, and because they were so similar in a lot of ways it made a lot of sense that they were close. Jeremy was new, so it made absolutely no sense that he should feel threatened because he didn’t have the same bond there that Gavin had with Meg.

And deep down, it made him bitter. And he hated it.

The amount of time he spent with Gavin was suddenly getting offset by Meg seeming to visit more often than she ever had, something that even Ryan had felt the need to comment on one afternoon. Gavin and Meg were hanging out in the living room with Michael and Lindsay, playing Mario Party, and Jeremy and Ryan had been allowed to sit it out for once, so they were together in the library that Jack Geoff had put together over the years, each of them doing a bit of work to fill the time.

“You know, I think Meg’s been here more in the last couple months than she was all of last year” Ryan had said casually, eyes scanning over an article on a new site claiming to have had an unmasked Vagabond sighting.

“Really?” Jeremy asked, trying to keep his voice steady. If that didn’t mean something than he didn’t know what did.

“Yeah, well, obviously you wouldn’t know, cause you weren’t here last year, but we didn’t see a lot of Meg, she was busy with her own work, doing her own thing mostly, so she wasn’t around much. It’s weird she’s been here this much recently” Ryan explained.

“Huh, I guess so” Jeremy mumbled, turning back to his own laptop, studying a mapped out area around a bank Geoff had been considering a job at, trying to find easy routes in and out.

There was a heavy pause between them after Jeremy had replied before either of them spoke again.

“You know, I understand why you’re feeling jealous Jeremy” Ryan said finally, his voice even. Jeremy’s head popped up and he stared at Ryan in disbelief.

“I-“ he started, but Ryan just held up a hand to stop him.

“I see the way you look at him, I’ve got eyes Jeremy” He said, giving Jeremy a fond smile “You look at him like Jack looks at Geoff, and that says a lot considering how long the two of them have been together. Clearly you care about him a lot, and seeing him put so much time and energy into another person who seems like she could be a romantic prospect is something that’s gonna make you feel like shit, especially if you feel like maybe there’s something there for you”

“I’m not great at reading situations Ryan, and Gav’s nice to everyone, I’m probably just getting something he’s not putting down because it’s nice having someone give a shit” Jeremy said slowly, doubting himself.

“You’re right about not being able to read shit if you think Gavin’s just being nice” Ryan said after a short pause “He doesn’t act the same with you as he does with the rest of us, and that’s not a bad thing, but we can all see that he looks at you differently”

“It’s probably too late now, with how much time he’s been spending with Meg I’m probably about to be left to the side any day now” he said, shrugging “I mean, as long as he’s happy I can’t be mad about it, but it definitely fucking sucks” Ryan let out a short sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Why don’t you just talk to him then? Find out what’s really going on?” he asked.

“Because feelings are scary Ryan” Jeremy said, sighing heavily “It’s not that easy to just say ‘Hey I really like you, and would really fucking like to try and date you, do you also have feelings for me, or am I a fucking moron who can’t read signals? Also, about that girl you’ve been hanging out with who’s way prettier than me, are you dating her or not?’ like it’s not that simple” he said, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Than figure out how to broach it more naturally, it is possible to talk to people without saying everything you can possibly think to say about it”

“I dunno Ryan, maybe it’s better if I don’t say anything” Ryan just shook his head at this, sighing.

“Maybe for now, but in the long run, it’s not going to be great for either of you” he said finally “All I’m saying is that maybe working something about it into a regular conversation wouldn’t be so bad”

“I dunno Ryan, I’ll think about it, we’ll see what happens” they left it there, mostly because Ryan knew he couldn’t get Jeremy to budge no matter how hard he tried, and Jeremy knew Ryan was too stubborn to convince that staying quiet was the best course of action. The biggest reason Jeremy let it drop though was because Ryan was right, and he hated it.

It was hours later when Ryan and Jeremy emerged from the library, Ryan needed to go pick Jack up from a casing spot she’d been down to earlier on Jeremy’s request, they’d decided that her taking her car might be a little too conspicuous so Ryan had dropped her off a block up from the bank that Jeremy had been mapping routes for, so that she could scope it out and check for any entries or exits Jeremy may have missed, and she’d called to say she’d finished up. Jeremy was putting his mapping on hold until after she was home and had organized her little list and sent him any pictures of usable spots.

When he and Ryan walked into the living room from the library Meg was gone, and Gavin, Michael, and Lindsay were arguing about what to do with their Mario party game, if they should just leave it paused until the next time Meg came by, or if they should recruit someone else to play her character.

“Jeremy do you wanna finish this game off with us?” Michael called over the argument “Meg had to go do shit and we need a fourth to finish off”

“She’ll be back again tomorrow we really could just pause it” Gavin said, and Jeremy felt his stomach drop. Gavin didn’t want him to play.

“No, she said she _might_ be able to come by again tomorrow, let’s just finish the stupid game off” Michael said, clearly exasperated “I mean you know she left to do some costume work, that could take forever for her to finish, there are five fucking turns left let’s just finish it!” he rubbed his hands over his face, clearly fed up with the argument.

“I mean, I’ll play if you don’t mind, Gav” Jeremy mumbled, sort of avoiding Gavin’s eyes, feeling like he was intruding “Ryan’s going to pick up Jack so I’m done working for a bit” he said.

“Kay, cool come fucking play” Michael said before Gavin could say anything, and Jeremy went over to the couch and sat himself on the floor after taking the Wii-mote from him.

He felt terribly awkward as they started the game back up. Gavin said nothing to him as they continued the game and started the 20th turn. Lindsay and Michael bickered back and forth affectionately as they played through the turns, and Michael, as usual, yelled at Gavin when he didn’t press A fast enough, and then finally they drew Gavin into their conversation and arguments, and Jeremy stayed silent.

Gavin hadn’t wanted him to play.

In fact Gavin would rather have waited days to finish just so Jeremy wouldn’t play.

And it made Jeremy feel empty. Like his stomach had dropped out at the bottom, leaving him feeling nervous and empty.

And it only made it worse that Gavin didn’t acknowledge him once as they played out the last few turns.

When it was done, and Michael had won every single bonus star, Jeremy had stood quickly, mumbled something about needing to finish something up for Geoff, and bolted to his room, locking the door behind himself, and pressing his back hard against the wood, hoping that if he could block the door off with his body no one would try to get in.

And then slowly he slid down along the door and ended up sitting on the floor, knees folded towards his chest, forehead pressed against his knees. And he stayed there. Long after Ryan and Jack got back, long after she and Geoff started on dinner, long after Michael had knocked on his door and told him that food was on the table.

And by the time he looked up he could see the full moon hanging heavy in the sky from his windows, and the all the lights outside save the street lights were dark. And Jeremy felt like maybe it was time to leave, but a glance down at his knuckles, at the barely healed tattoos blazing in black ink across his right hand, and he was suddenly less certain.

They loved him enough to want him to stay around. To brand him as their own, to make him feel like family. He couldn’t just take off now, even if his heart was telling him to take off.

But if he couldn’t run, what else could he do?

-

With no other options in his head, Jeremy found himself sitting up on the roof of the building. He just needed some air, and he didn’t know what else to do, he didn’t trust himself to drive, he was too upset, and he didn’t want to walk anywhere either, afraid he’d get lost, or worse, if he was out by himself while he was so distracted. They didn’t live anywhere near where his old gang housed themselves, but they were still in the same city, and altogether they were still a risk, and if Jeremy was only partially paying attention it could go horribly wrong.

So the small little garden space on the room of the building was good enough. It was only accessible to the penthouse occupants, so it was as safe as any open spot could be with how distracted his mind was.

He leaned back against a flower box that Jack had planted with vegetables, and stared up at the sky, his thoughts chasing themselves around in circles non-stop, turning around and around in his head the thought of leaving or staying, the thought of saying something to Gavin or leaving it unsaid.

After that afternoon he was almost certain he had been reading way too far into Gavin’s interest. He was just curious about Jeremy because Jeremy was a mystery, he had been new and interesting for a time, but now he had learned enough about him he was bored with him. Or perhaps Jeremy had just missed his chance. Meg was great, she really was, she was funny and smart and gorgeous and she could match Gavin’s recklessness and charm measure for measure in any way possible. And Jeremy was only reckless when goaded, only charming when he was drunk, only nice looking because he was heavily muscled and flashy. He was nothing special compared to Gavin, he was just the average idiot enforcer.

And before he’d been tattooed he would have been fine with that, nothing more than a wall of muscle for hire, able to leave whenever he wanted. But now? With Lads scrawled across his knuckles in Gavin’s loopy handwriting, matching Michael and Gavin’s to a T, it wasn’t quite so easy. He felt as if he’d been teased with a family and now it was all falling out from under him. Gavin was Jack and Geoff’s first kid, and their friendliest, if _he_ suddenly couldn’t stand Jeremy than there was no hope for him sticking around much longer, no matter what Jack or Geoff thought, because if he’d somehow managed to upset Gavin it’d all go to shit faster than Jeremy could even blink.

And that fluttery feeling in his stomach, the squeeze of his heart when he saw Gavin, the idea of _something_ more with him, they were all stuck with him, and he knew they’d never go away, maybe lessen with time, but they would always be there, and that would make it all the worse. Losing this family, the safety and happiness of being a Fake, and on top of that, losing it because he had overstepped with Gavin, because he had, for once, listened to his heart instead of his head, and it had backfired. That would be his downfall.

And Jeremy wasn’t sure he’d be able to live with those consequences. And perhaps he’d have been better off starving to death like he’d been about to when Jack had found him. He would have far preferred that than this taste of a family that was so fleeting.

All he wanted to do was just forget everything, forget his feelings for Gavin, forget everything that had happened that afternoon. Just forget. Forgetting would be easier than trying to deal with it. He knew how terrible it was to think like that, to will that to happen, but he couldn’t help it. Without even thinking he’d even brought up a few bottles of beer, hoping that getting a bit buzzed might help, he doubted it, usually alcohol made it worse, made him more emotional, but he could hope.

He had already finished off one drink and was popping the cap off a second when he registered footsteps coming towards him, and a few moments later he could see a familiar pair of sneakers in his periphery, one an American flag, the other a Union Jack. Jeremy took a long drink of his beer and didn’t look at him.

Gavin folded himself down onto the ground next to Jeremy and leaned back against the flower box as well, so close to Jeremy they were centimeters away from touching at every point.

“What are you doing up here little J?” he asked after a long moment of silence.

“Couldn’t sleep” Jeremy said, shrugging a bit.

“Are you alright? You didn’t come to dinner tonight either, are you feeling ill or anything?” Gavin’s voice was so genuinely concerned that it only made his earlier dismissal of Jeremy sting more.

“I’m fine” Jeremy said, noting vaguely how flat his voice sounded “Just a lot on my mind” he said, a bit more genuinely. He studiously avoided looking at Gavin’s face, opting instead to stare at his left hand where it lay next to his own right, studying to shine of the multitude of rings on his fingers, his knuckles criss-crossed with small, thin scarring, and slightly gnarled where fingers met hand, something Jeremy recognized from a broken hand being re-set after it had started to heal, something he noted on both of his own hands, his own knuckles and fingers significantly worse off than Gavin’s thin, slender hands, fingers re-set lovingly and with as much care and accuracy as possible by Jack, where his own had been rebroken carelessly by an ex-friend with no medical knowledge. Jeremy shook himself mentally and moved his eyes away from Gavin’s thin, elegant fingers, and stared ahead. He heard the cap of the third bottle hiss as Gavin popped it off.

“What about you? You’re up late” Jeremy asked after a long moment.

“I was working on a tech thing for Meg” he said, and Jeremy saw him shrug slightly “In return for those security guard uniforms she’s making us” he said, pausing to take a long sip of his stolen beer “She needs your measurements, by the way, she’s already gone mine and Michael’s from years ago” he said. Jeremy shook his head.

“I don’t need one” he said, his voice coming out gruffer than he’d meant.

“What d’you mean little J? You helped with the planning, you’re on the security team with me and Michael, of course you need one!” Gavin said, sounding almost annoyed, as if he suspected something about Jeremy.

“No, I’ve already got one” he said, sighing, Gavin could be annoyed all he liked but there was no point to it.

“What do you mean you’ve got one?”

“Exactly that Gavin, I have a security guard uniform” Jeremy said, exasperated.

“Where did you get one from?” Jeremy stole a quick glance at Gavin, finding his brow creased in confusion.

“I tried to straighten out at one point” he said simply “Didn’t work out very well, but I tried”

“Oh, okay” Gavin said, and they sat in silence again.

“So, what was it you were doing for Meg?” Jeremy asked, trying to stay casual. All he’d wanted was to be alone up here, but if Gavin was going to hang around he couldn’t bear to stay in silence.

“Oh, she asked me to look into hacking some security cameras at a rival’s base, pretty simple thing honestly, her security wasn’t very high, it was easy to get into her cameras and get Meg what she wanted” he said, and Jeremy saw him shrug slightly in his periphery.

“Cool” Jeremy said, having a moment of realization once again that Gavin was so far out of his league he may as well be on another planet, the boy had every talent it was possible to have.

Without thinking Jeremy pushed himself up from the ground, his stomach rolling just at the thought, and rubbed a hand over his face. “I think I’m gonna try going to sleep again” he said quickly, moving towards the door that led back inside to the penthouse.

“Oh, okay, goodnight Jeremy” Gavin said, sounding surprised. Jeremy gave him a slightly awkward smile, hand on the door knob.

“You know Gav, Meg’s really lucky to have you as a boyfriend” He said before he could stop himself, he wanted to be happy for him, but he could hear the bitterness in his own voice, and before Gavin could reply Jeremy pulled the door open and slipped inside, practically sprinting down the stairs and back into his room, feeling like he couldn’t breathe.

He locked his bedroom door behind him and collapsed on his bed, his knees going out from under him as anxiety coursed through him. Distantly he thought he heard knocking on one of the bedroom doors, but he couldn’t tell where it was coming from, and without a second thought he curled up in his bed under the covers and just stared blankly at the wall, and didn’t sleep.

-

Jeremy made it his business to avoid Gavin as much as possible for the next few days, and if he couldn’t avoid him he tried to keep from being alone with him. He hated having to do that, because he really cared about Gavin, and he could tell that something was bothering him, but he couldn’t figure out what it was, maybe it was something with Meg, or maybe it was with Jeremy, but he had no idea.

He couldn’t avoid him forever though.

The heist he had been helping Geoff map out had required teaming off, something that had been decided early in the planning. It was supposed to be a relatively difficult job, they would need to lie low in a safehouse for a few days, and it was safest to move in twos, so they had paired off their stronger physical fighters with stronger shooters.

Ryan was with Geoff.

Michael was with Jack.

And Jeremy had been paired with Gavin.

Something he deeply regretted agreeing to after all that had happened, but there was no help for it.

And ultimately it worked out better than expected, even then things had gone wrong.

They had all agreed to take different routes out of town to a safehouse out in the suburbs, and meet up there once all was said and done, and they were sure they hadn’t been followed.

But a lot of times their planning didn’t always go as well as they would hope, and it was lucky that Jeremy had memorized every route he possibly could to get out after the job, and to any safehouse they may need to crash in if they couldn’t fully lose a tail.

The heist itself was simple enough. The Gents would go in first and start the job, one of the three would empty any and all cash holds up at the desks, and the other two would grab a big payout from the back. The Lads were meant to follow them in shortly after, wearing security uniforms, pretending to be back up for the security inside, they’d deal with the guards, and usher the Gents safely back out onto the street, and peel out, split up, and meet up later to count their cash. It was a simple, straight forward plan, the problem was that the bank they were hitting was only a few blocks away from an LSPD precinct headquarters, so they’d need to make things quick, hence why they planned to split off from each other.

The heist itself was simple, but the getaway would be the problem.

-

The heist was absolutely textbook in Jeremy’s opinion. His first big job with the crew had gone off without a hitch, and at least a hundred thousand in cash between the three Gents’ bags.

When Jack had given the signal to leave Jeremy had been the last one out, the farthest from the door, he was most concerned with making sure everyone else was out before him, and by the time he got outside Gavin was already in the passenger seat of his car, taking point to shoot if necessary, and the other four were starting to peel out from where their cars were hidden.

Jeremy sprinted towards his car, jumped and slid across the hood, landed on both feet without even a stumble, and threw himself into the driver’s seat, pulling the door that Gavin had thrown open for him shut quickly, and peeled out of the alley they had parked in at full speed without even putting on a seatbelt.

He thought they were home free until he caught sight of flashing red and blue in his rear view. He turned to look over his shoulder and saw a cop car gaining on their tail, cursing Jeremy pulled them into a hard left, and Gavin let out a shocked sound at the sudden jolt, looking over at Jeremy with wide eyes.

“What are you doing Jeremy?!” he asked, sounding almost frightened “The route we need is the other goddamn direction!”

“We’ve got a tail” Jeremy hissed at him, eyes glued to the rear view mirrors, where he could see the cop car still behind them “Look for yourself idiot, can’t you see the fucking lights?” Gavin made a noise that sounded affronted, but Jeremy saw him twist around in his periphery and look out the back window.

“Shit” he heard him say quietly under his breath.

“I’m dealing with it Gav” Jeremy said quickly, pulling a hard right at the next intersection, scanning for street markers he’d recognize, he knew they were off in the opposite direction of the safehouse they’d planned to meet at, which was good, leading the cops away from the others was the most ideal way to move around with a tail.

He caught sight of a street sign and recognized the name, it took him a second, but he realized the crew had a small apartment safehouse a few blocks away, and there was an easy, if roundabout, way to get there from where they were. Jeremy grinned and pressed his foot harder on the gas, pulling another hard left as he went. The cop was just able to keep up, but ahead of them was their salvation.

An intersection with four way traffic lights, as they approached the lights the green light ahead of them had turned yellow, Jeremy gunned it and sent himself and Gav flying through the intersection just before the light turned red, trapping the cop behind them at the light as traffic started moving the other way. He kept driving, reducing his speed just enough to avoid suspicion, and turned left. He continued taking the roundabout route, taking side streets and one-ways, until he was sure their tail was gone, and pulled onto the street the apartment complex was on. It was too risky for them to meet the others, so they’d need to stay in the city for at least another day before things died down enough for them to head out.

He pulled into the building’s underground lot, parked in the assigned spot for the crew’s apartment, and finally let out a breath he’d been holding for he didn’t even know how long, and leaned his arms against the steering wheel, pressing his face into his forearms just to realize he was sweating.

Beside him, Gavin was silent.

“Jesus Christ Jeremy” Gavin said finally, blowing out a long breath “That was bloody brilliant!” he exclaimed, breathless. Jeremy looked up and saw the wild look in Gavin’s eyes, the raw admiration edged with fear “How did you know we could get here?”

“I didn’t” Jeremy said “I just drove, and then I recognized a street name and I realized we could make it here at least, since we couldn’t meet up with the others”

“That was brilliant quick thinking Lil J” he said, and Jeremy was almost shocked at the praise.

“It was nothing” he stuttered out, blinking in surprise.

“No, it was great Jeremy” Gavin said, grinning “We should head inside and call Geoff, let everyone know that we’re alright, just still in the city” Jeremy nodded slightly, and they both got out of the car, and headed inside.

They had entered the elevator together when Jeremy started feeling woozy, the adrenaline starting to catch up to him, and he leaned against the wall as the elevator made its way up.

“You okay Lil J?” he heard Gavin ask, distantly, he nodded slightly, and that was the last thing he remembered before he passed out.

-

When Jeremy woke up hours later there was moonlight filtering in through the slightly open curtains, and he was lying flat on his back in an unfamiliar bed, stripped down to his tank top and boxers. He propped himself up on his elbow, rubbing a hand over his face, just as he registered a warm figure next to his on the large bed. Confused, Jeremy looked over to his left side, and in the dim light given off by the moon and the glow of a phone screen he saw Gavin, curled up on his side away from Jeremy, doing something on his phone.

Jeremy had forgotten that there was only one bedroom in this apartment. It was typically used so that Geoff and Jack could have a weekend away from the house together, just them.

“What happened?” He asked, voice croaky, and he watched Gavin jump slightly in surprise at the sound of his voice, before rolling over to face Jeremy.

“You passed out when we got here” he said simply “I think the adrenaline just hit you all at once and you just sort of, dropped” he avoided Jeremy’s eyes as he spoke, his mouth tight, and Jeremy wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“ _You_ carried _me_ back here?” Jeremy asked, incredulous. Sure Gavin had some strength to him, but Jeremy had a lot of weight on Gavin, and being passed out dead weight would have only made it worse.

“I was going on a bit of adrenaline myself” he said, shrugging. Jeremy nodded and decided not to press further, especially knowing that must have been Gavin who’d undressed him.

“Did you let Jack and Geoff know we’re safe?” he asked, and Gavin nodded slightly.

“Yeah, I called them once I got you into bed, let them know what happened, and that we’d try to meet them out there tomorrow or the day after” he said “They were really impressed by your quick thinking you know” he said, finally looking up at Jeremy, smiling a bit “And I wholeheartedly agree, it was great work” he said.

“You said so earlier” he said, confused as to why Gavin was repeating himself.

“I wasn’t sure if you remembered that” Gavin said, propping his head up on his hand.

“I do remember that” Jeremy said, feeling his stomach flip, and his palms grow sweaty.

They lapsed back into silence for awhile after that, Jeremy checked his own phone to make sure that they were in the clear, the cop hadn’t been able to give a good enough description of his car, or their licence plate to give an accurate idea of how to find them, which was good, it meant they could leave pretty quickly.

And then Gavin asked him something he never thought would come up.

“Why did you say Meg was lucky to have me as a boyfriend?” his voice was inquisitive, and when Jeremy glanced down at him his face was scrunched in confusion.

“I, uh, well you guys have been hanging out a lot more than usual, so I figured… you know, and you’re a great guy, and anyone would be lucky to have you” Jeremy said, secretly proud that he didn’t stumble over a single word, the idea of Gavin and Meg still stung him badly, but if Gavin was happy than that was what mattered.

“Well, we’re not” Gavin said, he sounded off, somewhat confused “She and I aren’t dating, just friends, she’s a good friend.”

Jeremy swallowed hard and avoided Gavin’s eyes.

“I guess I just assumed, because you guys are so close and you call her Girl like you call Michael Boi, and I know that that means someone’s special to you” Jeremy shrugged slightly.

“You don’t think you’re special to me?” Gavin asked, and Jeremy couldn’t have kept looking away if he’d tried, and looked down to meet Gavin’s eyes “Sure, yeah I call her Girl, but I also call her Turney and Meg and whatever else, it’s not like a pet name, just a nickname” he said, and Jeremy felt hopeful for just a moment, before he remembered that Gavin had also given him a nickname, and from what he’d said it probably also just meant something friendly. And then he registered the first thing that Gavin had said.

“I’m special to you?” Jeremy asked, bewildered “You mean like how Michael is?”   
“No” Gavin said slowly, lowering his eyes, biting his bottom lip softly “Not like how Michael is, Michael is like my brother, you’re not” he said, reaching up to card nervous fingers through his soft blond hair.

“How than?” Jeremy asked, confused. There was no way Gavin really felt that way about him.

“I fancy you, Jeremy, and I’d rather be your boyfriend than Meg’s, she’s great and all, but I fancy you, not all the flashy stuff she comes with” Gavin said boldly, and all Jeremy could do in response was blink down at him in surprise.

“Pardon?” Jeremy asked after a long, confused silence.

“I really like you, Jeremy, and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner, I just, I didn’t know how, and then we almost got caught today, we could have died, and I can’t face the idea of dying without telling you” he said, holding Jeremy’s gaze.

And the only thing Jeremy could think to do in return was to kiss him.

So he did.

He leaned down, cupping Gavin’s face in his hands, and paused for a second, searching Gavin’s face for any sign that he hadn’t meant what he’d said, and then he leaned in, kissing him softly. It was tentative and chaste and nervous, but it made Jeremy’s stomach flip and his mind to go blank of everything possible that wasn’t Gavin. When he pulled away he felt stunned, and could hardly believe that he had just done that, and before he could fully process it, Gavin had wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him back down, kissing him softly, tenderly, and Jeremy kissed him back, sliding his fingers into his hair.

When they pulled apart again, Jeremy just stared down at him, foreheads pressed together, in utter disbelief. Gavin grinned up at him, arms wrapped around his neck tightly, keeping him from pulling back, not that Jeremy could have if he’d tried.

It was a long moment before Jeremy could find his voice again, and when he did he could barely form a sentence that made sense.

“Did that just happen?” he asked, breathless, searching Gavin’s face, trying to make sure this was really happening.

“Yes, it did” Gavin replied, smiling, pulling him down again, pressing a soft kiss to his lips again.

“Were you trying to make me jealous on purpose with Meg?” Jeremy asked when they’d pulled apart again.

“Well, not exactly” Gavin said slowly “It wasn’t the plan at least, especially since it clearly upset you” he said, rubbing his thumb gently along his jaw “I didn’t think it would bother you that much”

“It didn’t. Well, it did, but I care about you, and the important thing is that you’re happy, and even if that wasn’t with me that was all I wanted. What upset me was that when she left you acted like you didn’t want me there” he said slowly, trying to keep his voice neutral, he hated admitting how upset he was over it. Gavin sighed, rubbing a hand over his face, glittering rings catching the half-light coming in through the window, slowly that hand dragged through his hair and down his neck, fingering the single thin gold chain around his throat nervously.

“I hadn’t meant to make you feel like that” he said, and Jeremy’s eyes flicked back and forth from his thin fingers twiddling the necklace, to his eyes, and back again. “Meg and Lindsay and Michael had all been badgering me about speaking to you that whole game and I was just getting fed up, and then Meg had to leave to take care of something, and suddenly all Michael wanted was to make you come finish off the game, and I was so annoyed with them trying to force me to say something that I guess I came off worse to you than I wanted to” he said, biting his lip.

“They’d been bothering you about _me_?” Jeremy asked, bewildered.   
“Yeah, Michael already knew how I felt, and then he felt the need to tell Meg and Lindsay because he can’t keep his bloody mouth shut, and the three of them sort of ganged up on me about it”

“It’s funny” Jeremy started, gently reaching down to still the nervous movements of Gavin’s hand “Ryan had been doing the same thing to me, but it was at least advice and not harassment” he said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

“Michael meant well, I know he did, but he can’t accept that I can’t just do what he did with Lindsay and just come out with it like that” he said, slowly pulling his fingers away from his necklace and threading them with Jeremy’s “And I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable in case I was reading things wrong, I know I can be quite a flirt, and you seemed like you were reciprocating but I couldn’t tell because you’re just so lovely and friendly to everyone, and I couldn’t tell if I was reading too much into your natural loveliness” Jeremy barked out a laugh, leaning their foreheads together again.

“I felt literally the same way” he said, squeezing Gavin’s hand tightly “You really are a flirt, and I’m nothing special, I couldn’t tell if I was just crazy or if you were actually sending out signals.”

“We’re idiots aren’t we?” Gavin asked, smiling at him.

“Oh absolutely” Jeremy replied, laughing “Complete idiots” he smiled, gently rubbing his thumb along Gavin’s cheekbone, watching as his eyes closed slowly, reveling in how lovely he looked in the moonlight. He felt like he was in a dream, like if anything happened to disturb this it would all crumble around him and he’d wake up back on the penthouse roof from a few days before, cold and alone with nothing but a bottle of beer for company, instead of in this comfortable bed with a warm, loved feeling sitting in his gut just from being so close to him. He watched Gavin press himself closer, fiddling with the pendant on the chain around his throat, seemingly comforted by both it’s presence and Jeremy’s.

“What is that?” Jeremy has softly, reaching down to gently trace a fingertip over Gavin’s fingers where they rested on the pendant.

“It was a gift from Jack and Geoff, for my birthday the first year I was with them. I came from a rather awful family, not a lot of affection in my house growing up, except when Dan came to visit, they gave me this because they wanted to show me that I’m a real part of their family” he said, turning the pendant over to show the etching on the backside of it. Jeremy squinted to see it in the half-light of the room, and realized that it said _Gavin David Free Ramsey_ in a loopy script that was clearly meant to mirror Jack’s handwriting.

“You brand your own” Jeremy said quietly, and Gavin laughed.

“This was the start of it yeah, it was just the three of us then, and then Michael would be along a few months later, but we never knew it would come this far, not by a long shot” Gavin smiled, shaking his head “God, when Ryan came along we were all surprised by him, and then…” he paused, looking down.

“And then Ray” Jeremy finished.

“Yeah, it didn’t really start till him, the tattoos were Geoff’s idea, but it was Ray that egged it on, even though he hated them,” Gavin shook his head, tracing his thumb over Jeremy’s Lads tattoo “He didn’t think Geoff would go through with it, I suppose in a way I’m glad he left, that sounds awful doesn’t it? But he just wasn’t as into the gang side of this life I guess, he got drafted young, and he’d never wanted it, and it destroyed him, whatever it is he’s doing now I just hope he’s happy”

“It’s not awful to prefer him being happy elsewhere than miserable with you guys” Jeremy said “And hey, if he hadn’t left I probably wouldn’t be here, right?” Gavin let out a short laugh, light and airy, and it made Jeremy’s heart sing.

“Jack would have brought you in anyway, she can’t help herself when it comes to taking care of us”

“Well, still, I probably wouldn’t have fit so well with him here, this sort of thing is all I’ve ever known, but I don’t find it oppressive, I’ve always felt liberated living like this, even when I was on the streets, because I could look after myself, I didn’t need to rely on anyone”

“Well, you’re allowed to rely on us” Gavin said, smiling “In fact I insist that you rely on me for some things” he said, gently setting his hand on Jeremy’s cheek, grinning at him.

“We’ll see what I can do” he said, smiling. Gavin pulled him close and buried his face in his neck, pressing his nose into Jeremy’s pulse point, pressing himself tightly against Jeremy.

“And don’t ever scare me like that again” he said, warm breath ghosting across Jeremy’s collarbones “I was so terrified you’d been shot while we were driving, especially when you just dropped in the elevator” he said, and Jeremy could hear how choked up he was even where his voice was muffled by his own throat.

“I’ll try my best, I promise” Jeremy said, pressing a kiss to the top of Gavin’s head, pulling him tighter to his chest, and listened to him breathe in the silence of the room as his breath slowed and evened out as he fell asleep, and Jeremy was soon to follow.

-

Jeremy woke in the early hours of the morning to weak orange sunlight filtering through the slightly opened curtains, warm arms wrapped around his waist, and one leg hiked up over his hip.

He had never felt more at peace than that moment.

He brushed Gavin’s hair gently back from his face, smiling as the sun caught a light dusting of freckles across his cheeks that couldn’t usually be seen with the deep tan of his skin, and kissed his forehead. Gavin let out a small sigh in his sleep, pressing himself closer. Jeremy grinned and kissed one high cheekbone and then the other, listening for more of those sweet sighs amidst Gavin’s quiet snores. When the kisses stopped drawing out the noises he sought he nuzzled his face against Gavin’s jaw, and nipped lightly at the skin, just slightly raspy with stubble, and Gavin let out another little noise, caught half-way between sigh and whimper, and Jeremy felt triumphant. He kept tracing his lips further down his neck, kissing and nipping as he went, the small noises that rumbled in Gavin’s throat like music to his ears.

When he reached his collarbone Jeremy glanced up, catching sight of Gavin looking down at him, eyes half-lidded, sleepy smile on his lips as he watched Jeremy work. Jeremy grinned up at him, and went back to work, and leaned down, sucking at the hollow of Gavin’s throat lightly, drawing out a breathy sound, not quite a moan, but more than his soft sighs and whimpers. Gavin’s fingers slid into his hair as Jeremy slid further down, flicking his eyes back up, looking for permission from Gavin, but found his head tilted back and his breathing heavy, and it was all the invitation Jeremy needed to proceed. He trailed his lips down Gavin’s bare chest, he paused, took a moment to think, and leaned in, wrapping his lips tightly around his nipple, and sucked hard. Gavin’s fingers tightened in his hair and let out a breathy moan, and Jeremy grinned, he sucked hard, gently nipping at the hard nub with his teeth, drawing another guttural noise from Gavin’s throat, a breathless, stuttering moan and ended in a quiet, needy whimper.

Pulling off, he dragged his lips further down, grinning at the soft, annoyed sound that left Gavin’s lips when he pulled away, and started to gently nip and suck along his ribs and down his hip bones, pulling more of those soft noises from Gavin as he went.  
“Jeremy” Gavin panted out, breathless, fingers tight in his hair, Jeremy looked up, smirking at how dishevelled he looked. “Come here” he said, pulling lightly on Jeremy’s hair, he let out a soft noise of surprise, and obeyed, crawling up back up his body, placing the odd kiss here and there, before he reached Gavin’s lips, kissing him soundly. He felt Gavin grin against his lips, and suddenly he had flipped them, straddling Jeremy’s hips, still kissing him soundly. Jeremy squeezed his hips lightly, sliding a finger along the waistband of his briefs, dipping his fingertips just underneath, making Gavin shiver.

“Two can play at this game” Gavin said, his voice breathy as he leaned down so suck lightly at Jeremy’s jaw.

“I’d love to see you try” Jeremy replied, tracing his fingers slowly over the front of Gavin’s tented briefs, making Gavin gasp loudly in response.

“Cheeky” he said, breathless, and leaned down, biting lightly at Jeremy’s throat, sucking hard on the same spot a moment later, pulling a choked groan from Jeremy’s lips.

“Fuck” he muttered, eyelids dropping shut as Gavin’s lips moved across his throat, nipping and sucking at another spot, clearly looking for the same reaction, which he got a moment later when he nipped lightly at Jeremy’s earlobe, giving it a light tug. “Jesus Christ Gav” he said breathlessly, taking Gavin lightly by his hair, tugging him up to kiss him hard, nipping and sucking lightly at his bottom lip, tightening his fingers in his hair.

“Now you know how I feel” Gavin replied, pulling away just slightly, foreheads pressed together, grinning wickedly down at Jeremy, green eyes flashing in the golden half-light of the room, and he leaned back in, kissing Jeremy soundly again, cupping Jeremy’s face in his hands.

“God I could kiss you forever” Jeremy mumbled, pressing quick, hard kisses against his lips, he felt like all at once his world was exploding, while every hurt that had ever happened to him was mending, and he could hardly process it all, all he knew that Gavin’s face hovered over his with a grin on his lips, and deep affection in his lovely green eyes that made Jeremy want to worship him like the king he was for the rest of his goddamn life if Gavin would left him, if only Gavin would let him.

Without another thought he gripped Gavin’s hips and rolled them over again, reaching up to pin his wrists to the mattress beneath them, feeling Gavin go limp and pliant beneath him, letting out a breathy sound at the sudden roughness.

“Like that huh?” Jeremy asked, smirking down at him, leaning down to bite lightly at the underside of his jaw, making Gavin let out a breathless yelp and tighten his fingers against the sheets. Jeremy let out a low laugh, sliding his free hand down Gavin’s stomach and into his briefs, tracing a finger lightly along his cock, teasing him with soft movements, and Gavin let out a long, spluttering moan, arching his back slightly, having clearly been starved for the touch. Jeremy slid his hand out and slowly pushed Gavin’s briefs down around his thighs, and let Gavin kick them off, and wrapped his hand loosely around his cock, not moving, just holding it, teasing. Gavin let out a strangled sound that sounded almost like ‘Please’ but Jeremy couldn’t be sure.

“What was that babe?” he asked, smirking at him, Gavin let out a breathless noise at the endearment, and swallowed hard.

“Please” he said, voice tight and high with need “Please Jeremy, for God’s sake” he stuttered out, pressing up into his hand. Jeremy grinned and kissed him hard, stroking his hand up his cock once, applying just enough pressure to draw a long, keening moan from Gavin’s throat.

“Christ!” he gasped out, his back arching.   
“God you sound gorgeous” Jeremy said, nipping at his jaw lightly, giving his cock another long, slow tug.

“Jeremy please” Gavin keened, eyes squeezed shut.

“What do you want baby?” he asked, running his thumb over the tip of his cock, forcing a shiver through Gavin’s body “Hm? Tell me what you want”

“God, Jeremy, please” he panted, biting at his lips, trying to keep his composure, but losing his grip on it as quickly as he could grasp it “Take me, please” he gasped, meeting Jeremy’s eyes.

“I-“ Jeremy started, realizing suddenly just how fast this had gone, and they weren’t in exactly in the best position for this “We don’t –“ Jeremy couldn’t quite find the words, almost embarrassed by how unprepared they were, he released Gavin’s wrists, sitting back on his heels, feeling helpless and unsure of how to proceed.

Gavin saved him, sitting up on his elbows and pulling Jeremy down into a gentle kiss.

“Top drawer on the left hand bedside table” he said simply, his voice rough, but more composed than before. Jeremy’s brows furrowed and he reached over, pulled the drawer open and groped around for whatever Gavin knew was in there.

And came back with a bottle of lube that made him sigh in relief, he hadn’t been able to actually get the words out, but Gavin had managed to save him from his fumbling. Gavin smiled at him and pulled him back, lacing his fingers in his hair.

“Now screw me” he said seriously, kissing him hard, and Jeremy was happy to oblige him. He flipped open the cap and squeezed a liberal amount of lube onto his fingers, gently rubbing a finger along the soft ring of muscle, massaging over it lightly with practiced fingers, trying to relax the muscles. Gavin let out a soft, keening moan, pressing down into his hand, and Jeremy grinned, kissing lightly down Gavin’s stomach until his face rested at the dip in his hips just above his cock. Jeremy grinned, watching Gavin’s thighs quiver as he gently worked his hole open. Slowly he leaned down, and lightly licked at the tip of his cock, forcing a high, breathless moan out of his throat as Gavin’s back arched up off the bed.

“God you are fucking beautiful” he mumbled, slowly pressing one finger into him to the first knuckle, crooking it slightly, pressing gently against the very edge of a soft, spongey spot that made Gavin cry out. Jeremy grinned, pumping his finger in and out slowly, kissing along his jaw and neck.

“Shit” Gavin gasped, slowly getting used to the feeling of Jeremy’s finger in him, tightening his fingers in his hair.

“You think you’re ready for another one?” Jeremy asked, he didn’t want to go forward and hurt him if he wasn’t ready. Gavin swallowed hard, eyes fluttering open.

“I think so” he said, voice rough.

“Okay” Jeremy said gently, slowly pressing another finger into him “Tell me if you want me to stop” he said, kissing him gently, Gavin nodded slightly, and kissed him hard, letting out a soft gasp once his second finger was in, getting used to the slow stretch. “Still good?” Jeremy asked, gently stroking a hand up his side, Gavin nodded and pulled him in for another kiss.

“Perfect” he mumbled against his lips, holding him close.

He gave him a moment to adjust before he started moving his fingers again, kissing gently along his throat, pumping his fingers in and out slowly, listening to the quiet whimpers the passed Gavin’s lips. He pulled away slightly and looked down at him, grinning at how dishevelled he looked.

“I’ve never seen you anything less than composed” Jeremy said, his voice teasing as he slowly worked a third finger into him “I like seeing you all mussed” Gavin opened his eyes and looked up at him, pupils blown wide, biting at his lip.

“W-what can I-I say?” He asked, smiling languidly, trying to match Jeremy’s teasing tone “I’m a sucker for – shit – for you” he said, lids dropping closed again as Jeremy’s fingers hit that same spot as before, making him cry out, his back arching up. Jeremy grinned, kissing down his chest lightly.

“Jeremy, please” he keened, fingers tight in his hair.

“Please what?” Jeremy asked, enjoying teasing him.

“Please, I – shit Jeremy – I want you in me” he stuttered, panting, and Jeremy’s brain stopped working for a moment just at the thought of it.

“You want me to fuck you?” He asked, trying to keep his awe out of his tone.

“God, yes please” Gavin panted, biting his lip. Jeremy smiled down at him and kissed him gently, cupping his cheek with his free hand.

“As you wish” he said, and slowly pulled his fingers out, Gavin made a soft noise at the loss, breathing hard. Jeremy kicked his boxers off, and groped for the bottle of lube, kissing and sucking along Gavin’s jaw and throat. Gavin pulled at his tank top, trying to get it off him, and Jeremy obliged, pulling it off quickly without a thought, and finally located the small bottle, pouring some out into his hand, and slicking up his cock quickly, letting out a soft groan at the friction on his neglected cock, he gripped the base lightly and pressed the head against Gavin’s relaxed hole, and slowly pushed in, stopping periodically to make sure that Gavin was alright, until he was fully seated inside him. He leaned on his hands over Gavin, panting softly, watching his face for any signs of discomfort.

“Fuck Gavin” he gasped, leaning down to kiss him, Gavin wrapped his arms around his neck, digging his nails into his shoulders, moaning softly against his lips.

“Pleeease” Gavin drew the word out breathlessly “Move please” he said. Jeremy took another moment to let him adjust before slowly pulling out a few inches and pushed back in, Gavin let out a loud keening moan and scratched at his shoulders.

“Fuck” Jeremy gasped, pressing their foreheads together, pulling Gavin’s legs up over his hips, moving slowly at first, testing the waters, making sure Gavin was really alright, and when he showed no signs of discomfort he started speeding up his thrusts, angling them to try and hit that same spot he hit when he had worked Gavin open. He managed to get the angle just right a few times in a row, brushing the blunt head of his cock against that spot, sending Gavin screaming after the second hit, his back arching up, and his nails dragging roughly across Jeremy’s back and shoulders.

Jeremy kissed him roughly, smiling at the reaction, and how soft and pliant Gavin’s lips had gone in the wake of that jolt of pure ecstasy.

“Shit – Jeremy, please – I” Gavin panted out against his lips, his words coming in awkward stutters, and he bit them off at the end when Jeremy brushed over that spot again. He grinned and reached down, wrapped his fingers tightly around Gavin’s cock, and he let out a stuttered sigh of relief that Jeremy had, at least somewhat, understood what he’d wanted. Jeremy stroked him once, slowly, moving against the rhythms of his own fast thrusts into Gavin, and he watched as Gavin threw his head back, pressing it against the pillows, his eyes squeezed shut, a string of loud moans and muttered curses, panting hard.

Gradually he sped up both his thrusts, and his slow strokes on Gavin’s cock, trying to keep him just on the edge.

“Jeremy – Please, I need to – Christ, _please_ ” he begged, scratching his nails up Jeremy’s back, biting his lip hard. Jeremy grinned and gave him what he wanted, fucking him hard, and keeping a steady rhythm stroking his cock. It only took a few more moments before Gavin was coming hard, crying out Jeremy’s name in a hoarse voice, arching up against him. Jeremy slowed his rhythm, looking for his own climax, and finding it just as Gavin’s ended, he groaned out Gavin’s name, his hips stuttering as he came, his eyes squeezing shut.

When he opened them again Gavin was looking up at him with half-lidded eyes, panting softly, smiling at him.

“That was incredible” he said, breathless, as Jeremy carefully pulled out of him, gently stroking his hip.

“Yeah?” Jeremy smiled back a little bashfully, kissing his cheekbone lightly.

“Mm-hm” he mumbled, his lids drooping slowly as he stretched out languidly “And now I think I could sleep forever” Gavin grinned, eyes closed. Jeremy smiled and kissed his forehead softly, getting off the bed to venture out in search of a washcloth to clean them both up.

When he returned with a warm, wet washcloth Gavin had fallen asleep again, Jeremy just smiled, wiped the cum off of his stomach, and the lube from between his legs, and curled back up with him, and fell asleep.

-

Jeremy woke up hours later to soft fingers tracing along his ribs, and a warm cheek pressed against his shoulder, he glanced down, finding Gavin awake and tracing along a long still-pink scar on Jeremy’s side.

“What happened?” he asked quietly, realizing Jeremy was awake.

“It was just before I left my last crew” he said slowly “I was supposed to be an enforcer on a negotiation job, it wasn’t a big deal, but the other guy with me wasn’t as seasoned, and pulled his gun without warning when he saw someone on the other side reach for something.” He wrapped his arm tighter around Gavin’s waist, pulling him closer “There was a skirmish, and I got in too close with someone else, he had a bigass knife, and I was way cockier than I should’ve been, and this happened” he said.

“It looks like it’s had stitches, did Jack fix it up for you?” he asked, still gently tracing his fingers along the ridged line that Jeremy was only just regaining feeling in, but only in some spots.

“Yeah, it was infected when she found me, and she did her best to get it cleaned up and fix it, I think she did a good job.” Gavin nodded slightly and looked up at him.

“Jeremy, I need you to promise me something” he said, his voice edged with an urgency Jeremy had never heard before.

“Okay” he said gently, stroking his hair back from his face.

“Don’t let something like this happen again, don’t do anything stupid” he said, curling his hand around Jeremy’s ribs.

“I’ll do my best” he said, kissing his forehead softly “But I can’t promise you nothing stupid, because if it means keeping you safe, like yesterday, I’m always going to choose you over myself” he said, holding him tightly.

“I guess I can live with that” Gavin replied, smiling up at him. Jeremy leaned down and kissed him gently.

“Than I’ll do my best” he said.

And he knew he would. As much as he possibly could, he would keep himself safe for Gavin’s sake. For the sake of the feeling of being home that came with having Gavin in his arms, for that he would promise just about anything.


End file.
